Lets start with nutrition. Man. I jumped off the paleo wagon a few times the past 4 days. And it was painful. LOL. Goes to show how much eating a more nutritious diet can impact your GI tract. Friday for lunch, had Wendys (2 DBC and a nugget), and dinner was some fancy (read not your everyday/average) hotdogs, baked beans, etc. These two should have been enough, cause Saturday was off... and by off...this is going to get a little nasty if you think too hard about it, so just read quickly. When I follow a stricter, healthier diet, time on the throne is short. In, out, on with life. When I go off the wagon...Saturday morning was 20 minutes of "why did I do that?" Lesson learned? Nope. Smothered burritos...and another 20 minute morning the following day. Wasn't even worth it. Moral of the story, unless it's absolutely amazing, I'm not doing it again. This Saturday I will probably do eggies in a basket (google it). Shouldn't be too hard on me, and it's a childhood favorite. I'm celebrating Fathers Day early, so :P
I was going to expound on that, but I don't think most of the people peeping this blog are looking for advice on how to eat, so you'll have to suffer through the story, and learn a lesson that way. Besides, I'm no nutritionist, you know this, so why act like it... moving on.
Alright, we're backtracking to Friday. Decided to go get the MRI run on my right knee. Probably should have done it on both looking back. It was fun, drank a gallon before noon, apt was at 1. Half way through I was like, yo, we gotta pause this, I'm having issues. Tech was cool, problem solved, came back... 3 minutes in, I was out. Asleep. Lovely.
Fast forward to Sunday night, PCP (Primary Care Physician) had a chance to see my MRI, and emailed me. This was part of the email I got.
"...your MRI showed some bone marrow edema (inflammation) associated with a cartilage defect on the outside of your knee (possible cartilage tear). There is also some bruising and soft tissue issues around the knee."
I stopped at the first thing. WTF is bone marrow edema?!?! I mean I was freaking out. Bone marrow...thats deep stuff... I mean it's the bone! I calmed down, went to my preferred search engine, found out it isn't quite that bad... inflammation of the bone...ok, that sounds a little better. Wait, what?!!? Your BONES can be inflamed? Oh man... K, what else is there...cartilage tear...that doesn't sound good... soft tissue issues... yeah, they're soft, so they hurt. Need to get them pumped up! Ha, wish it worked that way. Going to see a specialist tomorrow to get their opinion (PCPs idea). I almost wish I didn't know. This stuff is in my head. We did some squats tonight... and I'm thinking about edema.
Frustration. Simply put, thats where I am. Heard it before, the phrase "can't win for losing". It's not going to be me, but damn. It's good I've got the ibuprofen coming in regularly at 800mg a pop. But that can't go on forever. Whyyyyyyyyyyy. Ug. Workout tonight had wall balls, and squats for strengthen in it. This stuff is in my mind. Mind games.
I've almost managed to psych myself out. Edema. Cartilage. Soft tissue issue... Wow. Suddenly my knee hurts. I'm fighting real and perceived pain now. See why I'm frustrated, and why I said it would have been better not knowing? Sigh.Didn't stop me tonight, wont stop me in the future. #cantstopwontstop
Look, I'm not a workout victim. I don't have that quitter mentality. "I can't" isn't in my vocabulary. "What can I substituent for movement _____" is in the vocab. I knew this was going to be hard. I signed up for it anyway. I expected some hardships, and here they are. I do the WOD to the best of my abilities every time. I'm getting better daily. Getting better, stronger, faster. There is a diamond underneath all of this, and it's going to take some high pressure, some time, and some sweat equity, but in the end, I'm going to be sparkling.
Man, pep talked up, I'm ready to go back to the box.
In the end, my frustration leads to me trying again. I may fall down, but I keep getting back up, dusting myself off, and trying again. I'm not going to throw a lot of platitudes at you and myself for the sake of saying clever things. Tomorrow I'll hear what the expert has to say, and decide how we're moving forward from there. Always moving. Always forward.
Keep moving forward peeps, thats how winning is done. Ask Rocky. Optimism is contagious unless you're just a complete "realist", then it's probably just annoying. LOL! See you tomorrow, hopefully with great news, or at least more detailed news.
TCN
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